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DAVID MAFABI: The sarcasm in Museveni’s “come beat me” invitation

President Museveni has warned people who are opposing value addition efforts

Otyo!!!, my prayer to “beat” a sitting President has finally come.

Going by Museveni’s speech on the 60th Independence anniversary, an open invitation was issued to whoever was daring enough to beat the President.

When this chance availed itself, I called my friend who knows some boxing and started some training; I want to embarrass the president at his own game and show him how much hatred we have had for him since he assumed power in 1986.

I am certainly not a good fighter but am very sure a 78year old man despite his military background cannot defend himself against my hard blows. I am ready to take him on the subject to the following conditions.

With the open invitation, I request you, Mr President, to ask your SFC commander to take your guards out for dinner at Spenar beach and I can confirm to you that by the time of their return, they will find you lying in a pool of blood.

That is when you will know that I have desired to beat you since 1986 when you came to power using force and my only obstacle has been your security details which made it hard for me to access you.

Please make sure the guards take with them your personal ak47; otherwise, you may be tempted to shoot me after receiving several blows, please make sure you also ask your son and wife to keep off, my intention is to beat you in your own residence until you ask for drinking water.

The President was reportedly unhappy with some political actors who had continued to fight his plans to add value to local raw materials and choosing to keep Ugandans in abject poverty through the importation of goods whose raw materials are bought cheaply from Uganda.

And in a total show of defiance, Museveni told his guest that Uganda was one step ahead and was already producing her own maize floor, textiles and electric automobile among others. Oh God, did the President actually mention maize floor being processed in Uganda? Surely if in the 21st century Uganda is boasting of a processing floor, then we are doomed.

Your Excellency, I have a confession to make and it arises out of your independence day celebration remarks where you told the nation you were/are behind the Pinetti coffee deal. Of course, many of us knew the whole Pinetti embarrassment was your brainchild but we were better off living in ignorance, for Pinetti was the worst thing that ever happened to Uganda.

Your confession and the call to the aggrieved to come over and beat you placed the issue in perspective. For many of us who have Uganda at heart, we now know the person behind all unfair deals in this country.

Aware that as a sitting President, Museveni knows for a fact that no one can beat him but he sarcastically calls upon any aggrieved party to dare him and he even named a certain newspaper as a parasite working with negative forces to frustrate his efforts.

Dear President, hope you have forgotten the African proverb; “Don’t beat the drums of war unless you’re ready to fight,”

That newspaper is said to have written an article on May, 22nd this year in which they said the “coffee deal stinks and that unfortunately, the culprits cannot be punished”. Little did we know the article was attacking Museveni, he responded by admitting that he was the culprit and he was ready to be beaten. He quickly added that he was being a victim for wanting to add value to Uganda’s coffee.

I don’t know what kind of beating the President meant but we can infer from the numerous threats by some Ugandans in recent times that all is not well. The President probably thinks he is untouchable given his well-manned security details but who says that is enough?

That is easy to say because the President is heavily guarded and engaging him in a “beating” or is it a fight whether physical or in words amounts to treason?

But the Bagisu from Mt Elgon have this proverb which you should get lessons from; “The worlds of the elders do not lock all the doors; they leave the right door open”

Mr President, the bitterness of Ugandans over the Pinetti deal had nothing to do with frustrating your value-addition efforts. The argument was that you cannot kill the coffee marketing board and then turn around to hand-pick an incompetent fellow to monopolize the coffee business.

Most Ugandans felt that since Pinetti had failed to construct a mere building for a hospital in Lubowa, trusting her with such a tax-free coffee business is taking Ugandans for a ride. True you might have had good intentions but you should have consulted Parliament where the majority of the Members of Parliament say yes to whatever the President directs.

Of late Mr President, you have picked on the habit of using “I”, “I” “I and “I” in your speeches and in effect forgotten that running a government is a collective responsibility.

For a growing democracy like Uganda, taking unilateral and unpopular decisions like Amin did can be disastrous, our dear President you no longer use the “we” phrase as if Uganda is your personal property.

Our dear brother Muammar Gaddafi [RIP} is on record for having turned Libya into his personal property and the difference here is that Late Gadaffi despite his so-called bad human rights record loved his country akin to his former Uganda counterpart Idd Amin Dada.

And having stepped on many toes, Late Gadaffi became so fearful that he used Libya like his property to keep himself in power, he even started grooming his own son to take over the Presidency.

And that chance finally came; Late Gadaffi was captured alive outside Sirte towards the border point. In the video, filmed by a bystander in the crowd, he is shown dazed and wounded, being heaved off a bonnet of a Toyota pick-up, dragged toward a car, then pulled to the ground by his hair, for they were honoring the invitation that comes with a sense of trying to own a country that belongs to Libyans.

We must learn to keep ourselves away from this as leaders for God is watching you.

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